From interview with Phil Ferguson to remembering 1 year ago

Well, I am honored to have been interviewed for this wonderful intellectual’s podcast, The Phil Ferguson show. We basically chatted for about half an hour about some experiences we’ve had with religion. (heads up, a little vulgar language is used, but it’s a casual setting kind of show, so there that is) It brought up some memories from a year ago when I was still even more fresh and new to all of this than I am right now. It all started in 2018 and so much has happened.

I looked back in the journal I’ve been keeping, and it began in April 2018. Right at the beginning of this “journey of reason”. It’s already fascinating looking back. Almost exactly a year ago was one of the longest weeks of my life. Insanely good, and insanely bad things; different things every day.


Starting with the first Mother’s Day that I haven’t been on speaking terms with my mother for. I wondered all day if I hurt her and felt so shameful for it, but I’ve been hurt and I felt like I needed to protect myself by keeping distance. That distance is still pretty much the same today. Second mother‘s day as an ex-theist is coming up.


The next day someone in my family called me to tell me that they had had a dream that I was trapped in a Russian prison, and I’d been begging for them to come and break me out. They thought this meant they literally needed do something to “rescue me from myself”. It was known in the family that I am an atheist and I’m well aware of how absolutely horrible that fact is to certain family members. I was actually scared. I didn’t know if this person would follow through with something or not, or what it would be that would happen, and had to threaten to block this person to get them to stop insisting that I needed their help. I was stressed about whether or not I should be stressed all that day.


Wednesday was my first guest appearance on the Non-Prophets, and the second show I had then been on, and pretty much by accident. I was filling in for someone on the fly. That was the day Matt Dillahunty was there and basically expressed that he saw some level of potential in me after that show. Well that completely blew my mind, and, being someone with low self-esteem, had an insane amount of trouble accepting that what had just happened was even possible.

On the fifth day of the week I sent out the non-prophets video to a couple of people in an attempt to get feedback from some people I cared about, and had no idea how they’d feel about my appearances on atheist YouTube shows. I sent the video, with a short description, something like “so.. this is what I’m doing now... 🤷🏻‍♀️“. Some responses were ok, and some were extremely unexpected. One of which was extremely offended that I would send them that video and force my ”new religion” on them. I said it wouldn’t happen again and didn’t send out any more. It’s so confusing to me. Because I’m on YouTube for something that has to do with atheism, no one wants to even hear me talk about it.. it’s offensive for me to even bring it up. But! If someone is creating alcoholic beverages, then that’s something people want to hear about.

Crazy...



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